Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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