Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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