exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
