Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
