You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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