i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
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