hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
