Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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