we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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