You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
