wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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