I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize