Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
