I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
