Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize