Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
