can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
