After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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