There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
