legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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