I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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