first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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