In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
