I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
