He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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