I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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