Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
