I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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