He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
