I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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