Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
