Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
