I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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