Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
