Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
