as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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