dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
