I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
