I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
