we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
