Apparently you make a good broom.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
