There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she pinky promised me she was 18
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize