I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
