i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
