Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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