My brain says no but my pants say off.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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