My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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