A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
