Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize