Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize