I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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