Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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