i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
