yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
there is glitter all over my balls
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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