you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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