i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
