just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
