I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
