the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
