Pants 0. Shit 1.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
