just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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