dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
