I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
