you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
