honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
