I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
