So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
