If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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