i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
