bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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