dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
