I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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