so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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