my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
