i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
