your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
