Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
