you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
